Wow, what a difference a few months make. Everyone said the first two months were brutal, well it was actually 3.5 months but I am starting to feel better.
I have been working out, going to yoga (still lacking flexibility and coordination but I can't blame the chemo or surgery on that) and I started running again two weeks ago. Well, I guess to call it running is a bit of a stretch.
I still have a long way to go for energy and predictability, but life is getting more manageable. My weight continues to be of concern to me. I finally broke down an bought new clothes that fit me thanks to a trip to the Columbia outlet store while on vacation in Oregon with the Asakawas. I have not been a size 30 since High School. Actually 30 was a little big but I could not go that far back to a 29 waste. I have put back on about 4 pounds but it is a long way from the 28 I have lost. The only other ailment is the neuropathy which seems to be much better with the warmer weather but is still very present in the fingers and feet. Hopefully, time will heal all.
The summer is almost over. Again, I did manage a family vacation, although I did not participate in many of the activities and it was exhausting. More importantly I was able to take Ryan to college last weekend. It was an exhausting trip both physically and emotionally.
I have been working more and more hours and I believe I will be able to start travelling again in the fall much to the relief of my boss.
It has been a long road and I know it is not over. I have grown tremendously especially with empathy for others who are having health problems and I have a much greater appreciation for the sanctity of life. Everything I took for granted, all the blessing, for so long, I now appreciate daily.
I know I have not posted much lately. It is hard not to be repetitive and I have been in touch with so many people that the original intent of the blog seems to be lost.
I want everyone to know how much I appreciated all the support through my ordeal. I will continue to post when I have my doctor visits and when the good news continues.
Thank you to everyone, enjoy life, and peace to all,
Bruce
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
June 24, Exam and update
It has been a rough 2 months from the surgery, but I think I am turning the corner.
I had a full exam today, which no longer phase me. My surgeon was pleased with the internally healing and assured me it takes time. He is more confident with every visit that I will return to an easier time. He also assures me it will never be normal like it was before. I will be happy with controllable.
My biggest concerns have been my fatigue and weight loss. I have lost 12 lbs in the last 6 weeks. I think I now weigh the same as my junior year of high school. The good news is that we are going to change up some medications, go off the anti-biotic, and get tested for a number of possibilities. I am feeling better every day and it seems I am having more good days than bad. I am confident time and some more testing will heal and I can start to get back to my old self. All my life I have never been so tired and with out energy. It has been a real awakening for me. I now walk half the distance I use to run and come back short of breath.
On the positive side, I had a great Father's Day and I was able to sit through Ryan's graduation. (2 hours of sitting in one place) Ryan's graduation was very emotional for me. He worked so hard and struggled with so much, I was very proud. I know there are some very special moments in everyone's life and I am learning to appreciate those more and more and this was one of those moments.
I am hoping for a restful summer. I have continued to work as much as my body will tolerate. I am not upto travelling yet, but I am hoping to take a vacation in late July to Portland and flying Ryan off to Colorado College in August.
In the meantime I am working on my recovery and more thankful than ever of the all the support and love everyone has shown.
Bruce
I had a full exam today, which no longer phase me. My surgeon was pleased with the internally healing and assured me it takes time. He is more confident with every visit that I will return to an easier time. He also assures me it will never be normal like it was before. I will be happy with controllable.
My biggest concerns have been my fatigue and weight loss. I have lost 12 lbs in the last 6 weeks. I think I now weigh the same as my junior year of high school. The good news is that we are going to change up some medications, go off the anti-biotic, and get tested for a number of possibilities. I am feeling better every day and it seems I am having more good days than bad. I am confident time and some more testing will heal and I can start to get back to my old self. All my life I have never been so tired and with out energy. It has been a real awakening for me. I now walk half the distance I use to run and come back short of breath.
On the positive side, I had a great Father's Day and I was able to sit through Ryan's graduation. (2 hours of sitting in one place) Ryan's graduation was very emotional for me. He worked so hard and struggled with so much, I was very proud. I know there are some very special moments in everyone's life and I am learning to appreciate those more and more and this was one of those moments.
I am hoping for a restful summer. I have continued to work as much as my body will tolerate. I am not upto travelling yet, but I am hoping to take a vacation in late July to Portland and flying Ryan off to Colorado College in August.
In the meantime I am working on my recovery and more thankful than ever of the all the support and love everyone has shown.
Bruce
Thursday, May 28, 2009
May 28th 2 rough months
Rough month. Right now I have been going through a rough time. Everything I read about this surgery said that it would be a rough 2 months of recovery and so far it has been. I have had some good days, which give me hope for a full recovery; but then there are time like the last 48 hours where if I can get away from the bathroom for more that a couple of hours it is a celebration.
My surgeon does not seem to concerned and just tells me to be patience, something I have never really mastered.
The more I go through the more I am thankful for what I do have. Health is something I have always taken for granted. No more. Everyday now I look forward to small steps forward, knowing there are going to be rough days as well. My empathy for people with chronic health problems has also grown as well as my distaste for people who purposely destroy their health.
My oncologist said every teenager should spend a day in an infusion room. It would be a great learning experience and greatly reduce smoking.
I will try to post again as I feel better and have a better game plan for going forward.
Thank you again for all the thoughts, prayers and good wishes.
Bruce
My surgeon does not seem to concerned and just tells me to be patience, something I have never really mastered.
The more I go through the more I am thankful for what I do have. Health is something I have always taken for granted. No more. Everyday now I look forward to small steps forward, knowing there are going to be rough days as well. My empathy for people with chronic health problems has also grown as well as my distaste for people who purposely destroy their health.
My oncologist said every teenager should spend a day in an infusion room. It would be a great learning experience and greatly reduce smoking.
I will try to post again as I feel better and have a better game plan for going forward.
Thank you again for all the thoughts, prayers and good wishes.
Bruce
Friday, May 1, 2009
May1 trying to get home
The next time we are debating the merits of knowing the future, I will definitely come up on the side of not knowing. This latest simple re attachment operation has turned out to be as difficult at everything else in this battle. I actually am not sure I would have put myself through everything if I would have known the whole story. Hopefully, I will recover faster from this since I am not going through chemo and my body should bounce back. I will no longer take any abdominal surgery lightly at all.
On the bright side, my surgeon was pleases with his work and he thinks I am on my way to recovery. I understand why it is a 6-8 week recovery process. I now am looking forward to feeling better for the 4th of July and home with the boys for the summer. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel for look forward to.
I am glad that I waited to do this procedure until after my birthday, but I am looking forward to celebrating being done with all the procedures and back to a normal, or as my doctor says as normal as it is going to be, life.
I know all your prayers and support are helping and will continue to help me get through this latest hurdle. Hopefully the next time I blog I will be a little more upbeat and have better news about my recovery.
On the bright side, my surgeon was pleases with his work and he thinks I am on my way to recovery. I understand why it is a 6-8 week recovery process. I now am looking forward to feeling better for the 4th of July and home with the boys for the summer. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel for look forward to.
I am glad that I waited to do this procedure until after my birthday, but I am looking forward to celebrating being done with all the procedures and back to a normal, or as my doctor says as normal as it is going to be, life.
I know all your prayers and support are helping and will continue to help me get through this latest hurdle. Hopefully the next time I blog I will be a little more upbeat and have better news about my recovery.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The end is near
This is going to be a very eventful week. On Wednesday, Earth Day, I will turn 50. When I was first diagnosed and all through my treatments and surgeries, I have always imagined I would be done by my 50th and I would celebrate with a big party. Unfortunately, reality got in the way of my expectations, which always leads to disappointment. So I will be quietly celebrating my birthday this weekend and getting ready for my final (hopefully) surgery on next Tuesday the 28th. If all goes well, it will be 3 days in the hospital and 6-8 weeks of recovery, then the big party sometime in mid to late summer.
Even with the disappointment things are looking up. I was able to do a college tour with Ryan and as the weather started to heat up this weekend I started to feel much better. I am working out and doing yoga and trying desperately to put on a little more weight prior to the surgery. I still envision myself back to normal in 4-6 months but I understand it will take that long to get everything back working and all the chemo out of my system. I met with my oncologist last week and he is still pleased with my results and very optimistic that I will never face this cancer again. My blood count are still a little low which explains why I am still tired and sleeping 8-10 hours a night. The neuropathy which has really been bothering me should start to dissipate in the next two months and gradually go away, though not completely, over the next 6 months.
So I am going to enjoy my birthday this week, be thankful for everything I do have especially my personal relationships, and look forward to my date with Dr. Teddy on the 28th.
Hopefully, I will post as soon as I get home from the hospital.
Once again thank you for all the prayers, thoughts, love and support.
Bruce
Even with the disappointment things are looking up. I was able to do a college tour with Ryan and as the weather started to heat up this weekend I started to feel much better. I am working out and doing yoga and trying desperately to put on a little more weight prior to the surgery. I still envision myself back to normal in 4-6 months but I understand it will take that long to get everything back working and all the chemo out of my system. I met with my oncologist last week and he is still pleased with my results and very optimistic that I will never face this cancer again. My blood count are still a little low which explains why I am still tired and sleeping 8-10 hours a night. The neuropathy which has really been bothering me should start to dissipate in the next two months and gradually go away, though not completely, over the next 6 months.
So I am going to enjoy my birthday this week, be thankful for everything I do have especially my personal relationships, and look forward to my date with Dr. Teddy on the 28th.
Hopefully, I will post as soon as I get home from the hospital.
Once again thank you for all the prayers, thoughts, love and support.
Bruce
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
2 Steps forward...
I met with my surgeon today and have tentatively scheduled my final surgery for March 31. That is the good news. On the other side there are still some complications and the surgeon is going to the tumor board next week to make sure I am ready for the surgery. Since my last post, I have had 2 ct scans. The last one finally showed closure but there is still some scarring and a stricture that has to be dilated. The previous scan showed some leakage which set me back and put me on pretty heavy antibiotics for a week.
I also learned that I have been a little naive on the recovery from this surgery. It will be 2-3 days in the hospital but 10-14 days of recovery and 6 weeks of no lifting and limited activity, then up to 6 months to a year before everything finally settles in. But the more I know the more I learn this medicine is as much an art as science and there is a lot they just do not know. I am confident my doctors are doing the bet they can for the best long term survivability, not rushing has been difficult for me to adjust.
I am still confident of complete remission and recovery to a "normal" lifestyle, but there are always complications. In terms of my health, I am finally gaining some weight, up 7 lbs and I am back exercising, although on a limited basis: yoga twice a week, weights twice a week and walking/biking twice a week and never two on the same day. The neuropathy has not settled down much. Still a lot of pain in my fingures and numbness and tingling in my feet. I understand I am doing better than most that have gone through the same treatment, but I really did not expect it to last this long. I am told it could be 6 -18 months, but at my cancer survivors group I ran into a lot of people who still have it 3-5 years post chemo, and this treatment was not done in the United States longer than 5 years ago.
I have changed my diet and have been reading about combining eastern and western medicine in the fight against cancer. I am still receiving accupuncture and I am also engaging in pranic energy healing which is helping with the neuropathy. I figure the more weapons in my arsenal the better. Which also brings me to thanking everyone again for the prayers and good wishes, which I also believe continue to aid in my battle and recovery.
I am really hoping I get the clearance for the surgery and I can move on to the next stage of recovery. Hopefully, I will post when I know for sure of the date, in the meantime, thank you again for all the love and support.
Bruce
ps if the typos are especially bad, I am blaming the neuropathy.
I also learned that I have been a little naive on the recovery from this surgery. It will be 2-3 days in the hospital but 10-14 days of recovery and 6 weeks of no lifting and limited activity, then up to 6 months to a year before everything finally settles in. But the more I know the more I learn this medicine is as much an art as science and there is a lot they just do not know. I am confident my doctors are doing the bet they can for the best long term survivability, not rushing has been difficult for me to adjust.
I am still confident of complete remission and recovery to a "normal" lifestyle, but there are always complications. In terms of my health, I am finally gaining some weight, up 7 lbs and I am back exercising, although on a limited basis: yoga twice a week, weights twice a week and walking/biking twice a week and never two on the same day. The neuropathy has not settled down much. Still a lot of pain in my fingures and numbness and tingling in my feet. I understand I am doing better than most that have gone through the same treatment, but I really did not expect it to last this long. I am told it could be 6 -18 months, but at my cancer survivors group I ran into a lot of people who still have it 3-5 years post chemo, and this treatment was not done in the United States longer than 5 years ago.
I have changed my diet and have been reading about combining eastern and western medicine in the fight against cancer. I am still receiving accupuncture and I am also engaging in pranic energy healing which is helping with the neuropathy. I figure the more weapons in my arsenal the better. Which also brings me to thanking everyone again for the prayers and good wishes, which I also believe continue to aid in my battle and recovery.
I am really hoping I get the clearance for the surgery and I can move on to the next stage of recovery. Hopefully, I will post when I know for sure of the date, in the meantime, thank you again for all the love and support.
Bruce
ps if the typos are especially bad, I am blaming the neuropathy.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
January 26, time to stop complaining
I met with my oncologist last week and complained about the neuropathy which seems to be getting worse. Basically, people who go through the folfox treatment end up with much worse neuropathy than I am experiencing according to my oncologist. He also told me part of my problems, including the exhastion, was that I was exercising too much. So I have backed off to one activity a day, alternating between bowflex, walking and yoga with every 3rd day for rest. I have also been on the Colon Club web site, which also makes me realize how lucky I have been.
The good news is that I am starting to put back on some weight. For the record, I stared at 162 and went down to 139; today I am back up to 146, which is where I think I was in High School. Also, for the record, I have lost more hair (as hard as that is to believe) from all over my body. I am told it will grow back, but either way, no great loss.
I am still anxious to get on with the final surgery and move on with life. I have returned to work going into the office until early afternoon when I need to come home and nap, now a speciality of mine.
I meet with the surgeon again on February 11th and if all goes well I will get an "x ray" to determine if I am ready for the surgery, in the meantime I keep eating, exercising, making others aware of this increasing health risk, and being thankful of all my blessings including all the support, prayers and thoughts.
The good news is that I am starting to put back on some weight. For the record, I stared at 162 and went down to 139; today I am back up to 146, which is where I think I was in High School. Also, for the record, I have lost more hair (as hard as that is to believe) from all over my body. I am told it will grow back, but either way, no great loss.
I am still anxious to get on with the final surgery and move on with life. I have returned to work going into the office until early afternoon when I need to come home and nap, now a speciality of mine.
I meet with the surgeon again on February 11th and if all goes well I will get an "x ray" to determine if I am ready for the surgery, in the meantime I keep eating, exercising, making others aware of this increasing health risk, and being thankful of all my blessings including all the support, prayers and thoughts.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Happy New Year
Happy New Year to everyone. I was really ready to get past 2008 and move on. After Christmas the family ventured to Portland. The truth is that I think everyone needed a break from me, including myself. The trip was much harder than I expected. The air travel wore me out and I was cold the entire time and really could not get warm. The plus side was that Cynthia and the boys had a great trip and it was really good for me to get away.
The neuropathy has seemed to get much worse after the last chemo treatment. I have now learned, after going to a support group, that this is very common. I thought it would be a cake walk once after the last treatment, but life has many surprises.
This week I had a CT scan and a visit with my surgeon. The good news was that the scan was clear, no cancer to be seen. The bad news was that I am still not completely healed from the surgery and damage from the Chemo and Radiation and there is a lot of inflammation. The surgeon was pleased with my progress and still thinks I will completely heal with out additional surgeries. I have to wait a month and get an x ray. If I have healed up and the inflammation is gone he will do the final surgery and I can put this episode of my life in the history file.
I mentioned the support group. St. Josephs has a specific Colo-Rectal cancer support group. They meet once a month but due to my chemo schedule, I could not make any of the previous meetings. I went on Tuesday night. I learned a lot. The more I know the more I realize how lucky I am and how critical the early detection was to my positive outcome. I am planning on making this one of my ongoing campaigns to get guys under 50 to get tested. There were too many examples of people ignoring early warning signs and having disastrous results. I also learned how being in good health prior to this really saved me a lot of problems and basically, although brutal, I did not have near the problems as many who wne through the same treatment course. Many still have the neuropathy significantly worse than I am experiencing and they are 1-3 years post chemo. Many had significant problems because they were not completely healed when the did the reversal and ended up with really bad problems.
I was really not pleased with not being able to finalize this this week. Today I decided to move on, so I am back on the bow flex and I walked a couple of miles through the hills, hoping to start running again next week.
I meet with my oncologist on Thursday, hopefully he gives me the all clear and all my blood work matched the CT scan. For now I am thankful for the news I have and I am moving on. The other thing the support group showed me is how important outside support is to the recovery. So again I want to thank everyone for their prayers, good wishes, help and concern over the last 8 long months.
Bruce
The neuropathy has seemed to get much worse after the last chemo treatment. I have now learned, after going to a support group, that this is very common. I thought it would be a cake walk once after the last treatment, but life has many surprises.
This week I had a CT scan and a visit with my surgeon. The good news was that the scan was clear, no cancer to be seen. The bad news was that I am still not completely healed from the surgery and damage from the Chemo and Radiation and there is a lot of inflammation. The surgeon was pleased with my progress and still thinks I will completely heal with out additional surgeries. I have to wait a month and get an x ray. If I have healed up and the inflammation is gone he will do the final surgery and I can put this episode of my life in the history file.
I mentioned the support group. St. Josephs has a specific Colo-Rectal cancer support group. They meet once a month but due to my chemo schedule, I could not make any of the previous meetings. I went on Tuesday night. I learned a lot. The more I know the more I realize how lucky I am and how critical the early detection was to my positive outcome. I am planning on making this one of my ongoing campaigns to get guys under 50 to get tested. There were too many examples of people ignoring early warning signs and having disastrous results. I also learned how being in good health prior to this really saved me a lot of problems and basically, although brutal, I did not have near the problems as many who wne through the same treatment course. Many still have the neuropathy significantly worse than I am experiencing and they are 1-3 years post chemo. Many had significant problems because they were not completely healed when the did the reversal and ended up with really bad problems.
I was really not pleased with not being able to finalize this this week. Today I decided to move on, so I am back on the bow flex and I walked a couple of miles through the hills, hoping to start running again next week.
I meet with my oncologist on Thursday, hopefully he gives me the all clear and all my blood work matched the CT scan. For now I am thankful for the news I have and I am moving on. The other thing the support group showed me is how important outside support is to the recovery. So again I want to thank everyone for their prayers, good wishes, help and concern over the last 8 long months.
Bruce
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