Merry Christmas, December 26

I had a great Christmas, it is good to be on the road to recovery. The surgery last week went well. The surgeon did only half the anticipated repair work because my body had already healed part way on the second part of the surgery; so in mid surgery he decided not to stitch me but see if I could heal on my own as the chemo moves out of my system. If it works great, if not I will have another minor surgery before the big one.

I have started acupuncture and pranic healing to help my body recover and heal. It is quite an experience but it seems to be working as far as I can tell. I am reading more on the combination of the eastern medicine with the current treatments; it is very interesting especially while I am going through it. There is so much to learn.

The last treatment has stayed with me quite a while, or so it seems. I still have good and bad days but the good days seem a little better each time and the bad days seem easier to get through. I know some of the side effects can/will stay with me for 6-18 months, but it is a small price to pay for the anticipated results.

I will have a CT scan on the 13th and another visit/exam with the surgeon and oncologist on the 22nd of January. If all shows well, they will schedule the "final" surgery at the end of January. that will be 2-3 days in the hospital and then I will start the final road to recovery. I am really looking forward to my 50th birthday in April anticipating that almost every part of this journey will be behind me.

I hope everyone has a great holiday and a Happy New Year, for me it will be a great New Year.

Bruce

Merry Christmas

December 26

Through the Last Storm

I had may last chemo session last Wednesday. I am getting through with the knowledge that everyday I will be feeling better and getting rid of all the drugs in my system.

These last sessions have been harder on my body. To help get through it I have take 2 sessions of acupuncture and 1 session of pranic healing at the yoga studio. I definitely feel the difference with the acupuncture. The pranic healing should help with the post surgeries recoveries.

Cynthia still thinks I am rushing everything, especially with the surgery this Wednesday, but I am so anxious to put this behind me and moving forward. The oncology staff was amazed that I stayed on schedule, but do to the good care from Cynthia and all the prayers and good wished, I was the 1 in 500 according to the receptionist.

I will update the blog after the results of the surgery, I am anticipating a smooth procedure and a quick recovery for a Merry Christmas.

Bruce

Thanksgiving

I never though feeling so bad would feel good. I made it through my 7th session and it has really taken it out of me. The encouragement is that I have only one left.

I met with my oncologist on Wednesday as I was finishing up the infusion. I tried to talk my way out of part of the final treatment, but he feels I am doing very well and wants to finish the full course. I guess I have come this far...

The other good news is so far my blood counts have remained up and they see no reason to delay the final treatment. The medicines are doing a great job of countering most of the side effects but the exhaustion continues to increase. Lost of naps and rest periods.

We had a very enjoyable Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors although I was only able to last for a few hours.

In spite of how I feel currently, I am really looking forward to my final chemo session and finally giving my body a chance to get rid of all this poisen and start the road to recovery.

I was going to post yesterday to thank everyone again and wish everyone a happy thanksgiving, but atlast, I just ran out of energy, so Happy Thanksgiving and thank you again for all the love, support, prayers and good wishes.

Bruce

November 18, running on empty

I am sorry for not updating so long. When I started receiving calls to see if I was still alive, I knew it was time to update.

I finished my 6th treatment last Wednesday and it really took it out of me. For 4 days following removing the pump I was pretty out of it. In addition (piling on use to be a penalty) I met with my surgeon last week who told me that everything had not healed according to plan. He feels confident that the final results will be the same in the end, I just have to have another repair surgery (Scheduled for December 17) prior to the final surgery (probably end of January). It is a long road but hopefully there is a happy ending.

The good news is that my blood counts remain high enough that I do not need shots or transfusions and I can keep on the Chemo schedule. The sooner I get done with Chemo the better. I am on a myriad of drugs to manage most of the side effects. The biggest problem continues to be exhaustion. It is hard to go for more that 4-5 hours with out needing a nap and my mind is definitely more clear in the mornings which when I have been working. I do feel good about being able to continue to work through this although my coworkers might not feel the same given my mood on some days.

All in all, I still feel incredibly fortunate for the medicine, the team of doctors, and all the support from friends and family. I am convinced this will all be a bad dream by the time my 50th birthday rolls around in April.

Thanks again for all the love, prayers and good wishes.

Bruce

October 26 Back into it

Tomorrows I go in for my 5th of 8 treatments. I think when I finish on Wednesday with the infusion it will be a real boost. I was much more tired this round, apparently due to my hemoglobin dropping significantly. If it continues to drop they can give me a shot and blood transfusion if necessary.

My weight still bothers me. I dropped as low as 141 but I have been maintaining 142-143. It is a little frustrating because I am not hungry, I force myself to eat and I can not gain weight. The good news is that most of you forgot how I use to look and tell me how good I look. My wife seems to be a little more honest. She actually went out and bought me some new blue jeans, my old ones were looking more like a pajama fit. I think she may have been in the boys department for a 31 slim fit jean, but they do look and feel better.

I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I see the oncologist this week and the surgeon next week. I read a wonderful book "the Anatomy of Hope" which inspired me as well and I know having the positive attitude and knowing about the prayers and people thinking about me has really helped carry me through this so far.

I will post with the happy news when I finish this next round.

Bruce

October 16 half way down

I finished my fourth infusion of 8 total yesterday.

So far so good. My blood counts are dropping but not enough to worry about, so hopefully I will stay on schedule and finish before Christmas.

The infusions are mostly taking a toll on my energy level. I still walk the dogs daily and I have been working, mostly from home but making it into the office once or twice a week on my off week. The other issue is the weight loss, but there is little I can do about that.

Aaron comes home for fall break this weekend so it will be a welcome distraction for the whole family. Jason also has a soccer tournament in San Bernadino. Hopefully I will recover quicker this time and enjoy the weekend. I just have to keep up with my naps.

There is really not much more to report. According to the nurses the exhaustion will only get worse over the next sessions but I do feel better getting past the half way mark. I seem to be managing all the other side effects with a lot of different medications.

Thank you again for all the support, I will try to update when I have a little more energy and feeling better.

Bruce

September 30, round 3

Round 2 actually went better for me than the first round with the exception of energy level. Right before the start of round 2 I felt much better. I really experienced much more exhaustion this last round and when I did push myself a bit harder I paid for it the following days. There you have it, my excuse for not updating my blog for so long. I kept waiting to feel better.

Today I went in to the infusion room and also had a visit with the oncologist. I now have the pump attached for the next 48 hours delivering the second chemo. This, I think, is the hardest part. I did learn in round 2 how to better deal with the nausea and sleeplessness so maybe round 3 will go smoothly with just a few more naps.

Overall the good news is that my blood counts have not dipped to worrisome levels, although they are watching the hemoglobin and white blood cell counts very careful. I met with the oncologist today; his biggest concern is the neuropathy. I learned that I am on a very high dose of the oxcilplatium and if the nueropathy continues to get worse he will cut back the dosage to prevent long term damage, which was one of the concerns of the tumor board.

Outside my medical issues, we had a successful birthday weekend for Cynthia. My strategy was to do as little as possible, and for those of you who know me... Anyway, it started with inviting her Aunt Lynn from Indianapolis to join us for the week. She has been great, like that older sister Cynthia never had. On Saturday night we rented an electric boat and 3 other couples joined us who provided the food and drinks, again "as little as possible." On Sunday we drove up to see Aaron and had a great visit. Cynthia has really missed him and they connected as he told her about college life and he really wanted to share with her, it was a precious life moment. It was very tiring for me, but well worth the effort and a great birthday present.

The next 3-4 days are really the roughest on me and I do not like to write when I feel bad, so I will try to update the blog later in the weekend.

I generally go to bed at 9:30 and sleep until 12:30 and wake for some reason. I get up and take a sleeping pill which takes 30 minutes to kick in. In that 30 minutes my thoughts run wild. Although I always thought I will beat this cancer, I still always question the treatment course I selected, the doctors etc. What I always try to come back to is how fortunate I have been. I feel the doctors I have treated me more like their little brother who they would do anything to save rather than just another patient. The continuous support, encouragement and prayers I receive from everyone again make me realize how blessed I am. And of course the care giving from Cynthia and the appreciation I have for my boys have helped my focus on what really matters in life. I do not agree with Lance Armstrong where he says we are "the lucky ones" because I would not wish this on anyone but there is a certain focus and realization that has come to me from this experience.

It has been suggested to me and I have thought about writing a book, but I am afraid I would have to dedicate half of the book just to thanking everyone and pointing out how what I took for granted turned out to be so important. The other problem of me writing a book would be to find a great editor to correct my grammar and writing style.

Bruce

September 16, another round

It is funny how that expression "another round" currently has a totally different meaning in my life .

I walked into the chemo room to find the coveted TV control chair open. I expressed my reluctance to sit there since I was scolded last time for watching Fox News. One woman said she could not understand that, which was immediately followed by another gentleman's agreement with the original scolding. I took another chair.

I had a great weekend. Cynthia and I actually went out on a date for dinner on Saturday night and we had our family dinner Sunday evening. I started feeling better about mid week and I was able to go into the office a couple of days, wash the dogs, and even start working out (very lightly) again.

If this is how it is going to go with the weeks on/off I think it will be manageable. Unfortunately, today I am back to the infusion and pump, also my white blood cell count dropped below normal. Nothing to panic yet, but still something to watch.

I was able to read all my work e mails during the chemo session today even though I could not sent. I was thinking it was like a 5 hour Southwest Airline flight. Not really comfortable, just able to read, and you know you are going to feel bad after the flight, so really it was like being back to my old travel schedule, except the restrooms are bigger and no free peanuts.

I don't know what is so tiring about sitting in a chair for 5 hours but I am a little worn out, so I will sing off and write again when on my off week when I am feeling better.

Again, I want to thank everyone for their prayers, thoughts, good wishes and help. I now get my chairs carried for the soccer games. However, I currently have more than enough offers for taking weight from someone else. Science just has not caught up with those wanting to help in that way.

Bruce

September 10

I finally started feeling better. It took the better part of the week but today I actually felt better. I go to get my blood work done tomorrow and I am really looking forward to those results to see if there is any other reason for my exhaustion besides the obvious.

I am hoping it is a combination of still recovering from the surgery, port and the first round of chemo. I lost a few more pounds this week but I think I have stabilized. I also know that is probably contributing to the fatigue but I am eating well.

I am hoping for a good weekend of recovery and then tackling the next round. I have a feeling next week will be a tough one again. I will try to update the blog a little quicker.

Bruce

September 5, back in the chemo room

I went back to the infusion room on Tuesday. Having the port was much better, although it was still very tender.

I felt like a veteran; unfortunately, I was not really prepared for the higher dosages they are giving me and for the second half of the treatment when they sent me home with the pump. It was my new best friend attached to my hip pumping every minute more chemo into me. I did not sleep well either night but it did help when I wrapped the pump in a towel and put it in a drawer.

The pump was removed on Thursday and they gave me some iv nausea medicine, which helped. I am just pretty wiped out. The mornings are better for me, I try to work for a few hours and then I need to lay down. In the afternoon I really do not have the energy to do much except read or watch TV. Not really my usual self.

I now have a week off to recover. I will have a blood test on Thursday and if the counts are ok, I start all over the following Tuesday. It feels like a long road but one down 7 to go.

Hopefully, I will feel better over this next week and I will try to post a more upbeat blog.

Bruce

September 1

What a week. On Monday I met with my Radiologist who was very pleased with my recovery. On Wednesday we met with my surgeon who was also pleased with my recovery and gave me the go ahead to get my port and start the next round of chemo.

Thursday we went to Claremont to officially drop Aaron off at college. It was a full day of orientation and unpacking... It was also a very emotional day for me. I gave him my final list of life lessons and told him we have a family tradition of calling home on Sundays to check in. More on that later.

Friday, I went in to have my port put in. In case anyone ever asks, I hate needles. And after they missed with the first IV try I was glued to the ceiling. Fortunately, the vascular surgeon was great and had a zanex close by. The procedure was a little rougher that I anticipated and as the Novocaine wore off I was glad we still had a couple of vicodins from the last surgery.

I recovered enough to be able to watch Jason's soccer tournament over the weekend, and I actually got called back into the coaching when we made it to the championship game Sunday afternoon and the trainer/coach had to go to a wedding.

Sunday evening we had planned to spend relaxing with friends from out of town (also dropping off children to college) over a casual barbecue. The evening was great until we got the Sunday night check in call from Aaron. Apparently on my life lessons sheet I typed up for him I did not put down that your first call home from college should not be from the local hospital emergency room. The short story was 6 stitches above the eye from a collision in ultimate frisbee, he is having a great time, and he is going to figure out his course schedule today when he registers. I can hear the apple far from the tree comments already.

As for me, I start chemo tomorrow. I will have 8 treatments every other week, so my plan is to be done with chemo December 9th. The surgeon said we would have time to do the second surgery prior to Christmas; that is now my goal. I would really like to start the new year off with just recovery on my mind, but I have been told not to count on any schedule since a cold, flu, dehydration or drop in white blood cells could delay everything.

I did make my goal of taking Aaron to college, fortunately or unfortunately, I was still recovering from the surgery so I could not lift anything over 5lbs. So now there is another group in this world who wonder what exactly I do and why I had Cynthia doing all the work.

This should be an interesting next few months in the chemo room with the election, I will keep posting on how the treatments are going and how I am feeling.

Thanks again for all the prayers, thoughts and help.

Bruce

Wednesday, August 27

Well it hit me today. I met with the surgeon who was very pleased with my healing and encouraging to me. I also was scheduled for my port on Friday with the idea of starting back on the chemo next week. It is happening and I am moving forward.

Just when I start feeling better. The truth is that I am pushing the start. If I can start next week I should be finished by early December. The surgeon said we may be able to do the second surgery also before Christmas. It is hard to start a regimen that I know is going to make me feel terrible, but I know it is necessary.

I am trying to still enjoy each day and not focus too much on the future. Tomorrow we officially drop Aaron off at college and go to orientation. I already know it is going to be very emotional and exhausting for me. I think it will get my mind off of the coming procedures.

Right now the chemo is 8 sessions every other week. I will have an infusion for 5-6 hours of the oxylplatium and then take home a portable pump which will inject the other chemo for the following 48 hours. Sounds like a long road, but one step at a time.

As I know the exact schedule I will update the blog. There will be good days/weeks and bad ones I am sure. I will try to write on the good ones and try to get my sense of humor back.

Cynthia wanted me to rest another week or two before starting back in, but the thought of waiting was worse for me. I have been a little selfish in that regard because I know it has been a real strain on her, and the truth is she probably needs a break. She never complains and continues to be incredible supportive. Right now she and Jason are baking cookies still trying to get as much weight back on me before the next round. I probably do not say thank you enough, but that is probably to everyone who has been so supportive.

I know your prayers, thoughts and wishes are paying off.

Thank you,

Bruce

August 20th, a long road ahead

Sorry to have not posted but actually I have been tired; hard to believe I know. I tried my first strategy for being tired, do more and exercise some. I actually went to a cancer survivor's yoga class on Monday and I went to all of Jason's soccer games over the weekend. The games were more exhausting than the yoga class, which might have to do with the average age in the yoga class which I skewed significantly. I did not stick around to find out if they were democrats, but the instructor did suggest I try the regular beginning yoga class. Anyway, I am back to waling and naps.

Yesterday I went to my oncologist to see if my ostrich strategy worked. Unfortunately it did not and yes I have another 4 months of pretty serious chemo ahead. I will have a port, so the plan is for a 6 hour infusion with a pump attached for 48 hours. I will have 4 months then recovery and the second surgery. It was a little disheartening to realize that I am not quite half way through.

The oncologist was also very please with the results. The chemo was very effective, hence to great results from the surgery. The oncologist did suggest that I put back on about 8 pounds. I started to respond with "what a great idea!" and then realized that my sarcasm has never really got me anywhere in life and I was going to be seeing this doctor for quite a while.

So the plan is to meet with my surgeon for a follow up next week, try to schedule the port surgery for next week and start the chemo on Sept. 3 if possible. If I am going through this, I want to get started and get on with it.

Cynthia is exhausted but still trying to take care of me and fatten me up. She is constantly putting brownies and cookies and ice cream in front of me. I have also received numerous suggestions on ways to gain weight, it seems everyone has their little secrets they are willing to share with me, just one more example of the support that keeps pouring in.

I will try to update the blog when I find out the schedule thanks again for all the support, prayers and good wishes.

Bruce

August 12, feeling better

Just a quick update, I am feeling better, walking more and managing the pain with just one Tylenol every 5-6 hours. I actually started to work a little reading a couple of documents. It was good to get my mind on to other matters and feel productive again.

I realize what a fog I had been in from the surgery when I looked at the appointment card for the oncologist and realized it is a week away. Obviously I am anxious to know what the next steps are and start mentally getting geared up.

Other positive news is that I have started gaining weight back, half a pound, but still better than loosing. I have had visitors and most importantly, Cynthia is going back to work, so our marriage will probably survive. I think me being house bound during my treatments has given her real pause to having either one of us ever retire fully.

Thanks again for all the support and I will post after my oncologist appointment and I know a general plan going forward,

Bruce

August 9, A long road

My recovery continues slowly but the surgeon is pleased. He told me I should be feeling a lot better in about 3 weeks. That works out pretty well for taking Aaron to college and going to parent orientation.

The disappointing but expected news was that the surgeon and the tumor board both feel I should go through another round of chemo. I will meet with the oncologist on Tuesday and get more information, but it looks like another 4-6 months with a break in the middle for the second surgery.

When the surgeon told me I asked him if he ever remodeled a house. He said yes, why? I told him that is what I feel like, every time I think I am closing in on finishing up I realize I am not half way yet.

For now I am just working on recovering and trying to put back on weight, I have dropped down to 147 lbs, about 10 lbs from the start of surgery, and trying to figure out the new diet. And, thank you, I have received a lot of advice on gaining weight and absolutely no sympathy on that issue.

I will update again after the oncologist. My mind is still a little foggy and I am keeping the Tylenol pumping, hopefully I will be a little clearer.

Thanks again for all the prayers and support.

Bruce

Home, August 5th

Actually I made it home last night, August 4th but it was a pretty exhausting day. Additionally the norco pain medicine really clouds my mind, and, yes I can tell a difference.


It is nice to be home but I am pretty wiped out. I did not sleep as well last night but that may have been from a lot of different factors. I have decided not to take the vicodin during the day and stick with Tylenol. I did walk down to the end of the cul de sac and back this morning. Overall I am pretty wiped out.

I have now caught up on Cynthia's updates and I learned a few things I did not know, but that is the beauty of the morphine pump.

Just as an update, I am down to 152 lbs., my appetite is returning but I can not eat large quantities, I am awake for about 4 hours at a time, alert is a matter of interpretation.

This week I go back into see my Surgeon on Thursday. He is going to take out the rest of my staples and get an adjustment to my ileostomy. I meet with my oncologist next Tuesday, until then I will not know if I have to do another round of chemo or not. I am not sure how that will work with the second surgery in 3 months. The great news is that at some point it should all be over and I can recover and get my strength back.

I want to thank everyone again for their prayers, thoughts, good wishes and general support. I am sure all the positive thoughts helped with the exceptionally positive results from the surgery. Assuming clarity returns, I will try to update more.

Bruce

Sunday, a step back

Today was a rough day. I started out thinking I might even get home today. I ordered eggs and pancakes for breakfast but I got very nauseated before I cold take a bite. The rest of the day until around 5 I was battling with nausea and pain while still trying to still be mobile.

My fever stayed down and I think it was just one of those two step forward one step back things, or my body adjusting to the new medications.

I am hoping for a better day tomorrow and sleeping in my own bed tomorrow night.

Saturday Aug 2, I am back - sort of

8:45 pm and my pain medicine is kicking in so I am not sure how coherent this will be.

In my other moments of clarity Cynthia has forwarded your comments. Thank you again for all the prayers and good thoughts and wishes.

This has been a truly new experience for me and definitely one I do not want to repeat. I have had tubes connecting all parts of me to all different contraptions. Fortunately the pca pump with the morphine was left in through most of the removal of the various other tubes. The removal of the catheter was especially anxiety producing. Then they told me I had to pass 300 cc in 6 hours or they were going to put it back in, talk about performance anxiety, but there was really no option but to pass. I would have made some one else pee in the jar if necessary. (so for all you offering to help in any way...)

I could continue to go through all the other various difficulties but at this point with the codeine kicking in, they see relatively distant.

I do know that the only thing I remember from the post op was the excellent results and that I have the temporary ileostomy. It will mean another surgery in 3 months but thanks to a great team of doctors, great medicine, a great support staff for me and all the prayers and thoughts we got the best results possible which were confirmed on Thursday.

I am feeling better day by day. I appreciate the offers for visitors but as Cynthia will attest to, I was pretty out of it for most of the time. I am hoping to go home later tomorrow but it is looking more like Monday. I am walking about 5 times around the floor a day and tonight I have my first non clear liquid (pureed soup whoo hoo). It feels like I take 3 or 4 steps forward and then a slight step back. I am going to sign off for now. Hopefully I will eat some solid food tomorrow and try to get home to my own bed shortly there after. I will try to post when I get home.

Thank you again for all your support of me and also for all the support everyone has given Cynthia and the boys, I know it has been a strain on her as well.

Good night,

Bruce

Getting over the Hump

It was another eventful day for Bruce starting with the removal of his catheter, walks with just the pole, removal of 11 staples from his incision, disconnecting the morphine PCA pump, a wave of nausea, some surprises delivered by candy stripers, and a slideshow of our Puerto Vallarta vacation presented by Jason.  I am printing your emails to me and bringing them in for him to read.  Tomorrow he will read the emails sent to haashome@cox.net.  Bruce was awake for several hours today although he was thoroughly exhausted by 7:30PM when we said goodnight.  He is beginning to take in clear liquids with tonight's menu of water and Italian ice.  Depending on how his diet advances, he will probably come home Sunday or Monday.  Dr. "Teddy" says he will know Bruce is ready to go home when he expends his energy to shave!  The pain and recovery has been far greater than he anticipated but knowing that so many care about him continues to give him the strength to move forward.  Hopefully, he will be blogging again soon with his positive and humorous outlook which have taken a hiatus since the anesthesia wore off.  A little more sleep will improve my strength.  Sweet Dreams!  Cynthia

Great News!

The final pathology report came back and Bruce is cancer free at the tumor sites and in all 21 lymph nodes that were removed for analysis!  This means that his ileostomy can be reversed in a few months if everything continues on course.  It was a busy day: NG tube removed, physical therapy to improve his breathing, full laps around the floor, and ileostomy care training for me.  Bruce's mom came to visit so I took an hour walk in the evening and did that feel good!  It was also comforting to have someone to come home with to decompress.  Bruce is feeling better than yesterday but he has lost his voice due to the irritation from the NG and intubation tubes.  As he cannot speak and is usually only awake for about 5 minutes, he is still not quite ready for visitors or phone calls but we are still taking all the prayers and positive thoughts that come our way. Our Physician neighbors (David & Klane) who have been in to see him say that he is progressing well and anticipate a (relatively) speedy recovery.  Bruce's surgeon, Dr. Teddy, is very pleased with the surgery and pathology reports.  Hopefully, tomorrow will see more progress in his healing, pain reduction, and beginning of elimination functions.  Love, Cynthia

July 30, 2008

Another very long day.  Bruce got up  and walked with the assistance of a walker and his pole following behind him.  Quite difficult for a man to see himself so incapacitated after living such an active life, but he made three half trips around the floor throughout the day.  The boys came to visit in two shifts and I think it was difficult for all but good for everyone at the same time.  He had a fever for most of the day and eventually took some tylenol which helped him feel better.  He was in pain most of the day so utilizing his morphine pump also made him quite sedated.  Some have asked about visiting but I don't think he'll be ready for additional visitors for another couple of days.  I will keep you posted.  Bruce's mom is flying in tomorrow so I'm sure he will feel some added comfort and it will give me a chance to go for a walk.  The inactivity is incongruent with my nature as well.   Tomorrow I meet with the special nurse so I can learn about ileostomy care.  Reading the booklet was already quite helpful.  Keep us in your prayers.

Love, Cynthia

Surgery success, July 29

ello Everyone,

Well it was a verrry long day starting at 5:00Am.  Bruce was in surgery for four hours and recovery for two hours and yes his surgery was finished before the earthquake!  He is resting comfortably in his beautiful suite with a view of the healing gardens at St. Joseph's hospital in Orange.  Our doctors and the staff have been outstanding and I know he will be in good hands throughout the night.  The surgery proceeded with no surprises and there appears to be no remaining evidence of tumor.  Bruce has a temporary iliostomy (sp?) which he hopes will be removed in a few months once everything has healed.  He already wants to come home but first we must get him walking and then eating, drinking and eliminating.  One function at a time. Amber endured the day with me and her support was invaluable.  We were both surprised that with most of his body in an altered condition, Bruce's humor remained intact!  The boys spoke with him briefly today and will go in to visit tomorrow.  Thanks to all for your prayers, emails , and best wishes.  I will try to keep you posted daily.

Love,

Cynthia 

July 28PM

This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. THIS IS ONLY A TEST!!!!  Cynthia is at the computer learning how to update Bruce's blog for tomorrow's news of the successful surgery.  Thank you to all for your thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Bruce and Cynthia

Quick upda;te

I received a lot of information over the weekend. I believe I will be able to post from the hospital at some point.

In the mean time, some have asked how to respond. 2 ways.

You can go to the bottom of the post and click on comments and post a comment which everyone can read or your can send me an e mail to Haashome@cox.net

Bruce

July 24 Back to reality

Nothing like a visit with your surgeon to bring one back to reality.

Although the surgeon is still very positive about my ultimate survival rate, yesterday was not an encouraging day.

The surgeon is pretty assured he will want to do an ilcoscomy, hopefully, temporary that will be removed in 3 months with another surgery. He is also very sure he wants me to do another 4-6 months of more a intense Chemo treatment. The last thing he wants is any chance of reoccurring.

According to Cynthia, this has pretty much been the treatment plan all along and I have been deluding myself into the best case scenarios. According to me, this is just another conspiracy. The good part of my delusion is that I have really enjoyed feeling better lately and have not been worried about the surgery and pending chemo treatments. And since all we have are moments, I would not have changed anything.

I am very pleased with the treatment course we have chosen, I am still counting on positive outcomes that this just becomes a bad dream and my life will return to normal again, it is just going to take longer than I believed or hoped.

Again I appreciate all the prayers, good wished and thoughts. It has always been very reassuring to know that I am not going through this alone.

The next time I post I will probably be in morphine. According to some family members I will probably have more clarity in my writing, or as they say, "it can't get much worse,," although if it does I have my built in excuse.

July 22

We all survived a week vacation and are back in one piece. I meet with my doctors on Thursday to go over the surgery. This week I have my pre op tests.

I am a little concerned meeting with my Doctor since his advice was to stay out of the sun and not to get Montezuma revenge if we went to Mexico. Fortunately, I had really good sunscreen and the revenge passed through me in about half a day. In fact, I was able to regain about half the weight I lost during Chemo and radiation.

My surgery is set for next Tuesday at 7:30 am. I am planning on teaching Cynthia how to update the blog so you all will probably know the results before I do or at least I can comprehend them. (I have pre-ordered extra morphine)

I will try to post again after meeting with the surgeon when I know a little more to expect on timing and recovery etc, although I am not sure they will know a lot of the answers until they open me up and do the pathologies.

Thank you again for all the support, prayers and good wishes. Cynthia's e mail is CynthiaWoelfel@gmail.com she may prefer to send a general e mail so if you like you can send her your e mail address and get added.

July 7

We just got back from a great family and friends weekend on Coronado Island. I managed to stay out of the sun enough, I hope, and still have a great time. Me energy is slowly coming back, I wish I could say the same about my strength. I did manage to play a little basketball and help keep the other team close.

I also managed to take Aaron fly fishing in the Sierra's and hunting on a friends ranch in Northern California. Aaron managed to get 2 Russian bores, we are not waiting to get the sausage from the butcher. Of course the fly fishing was all catch and release. I got to practice my long line release many times, ofter while still managing to catch numerous trees immediately following the release of the trout.

We tried to spear fish in Coronado but the waves were too rough and the visiblity was limited.

We are going to Mexico, in place of our Hawaii trip, next week. After we get back I will get a serious of tests and doctor visits, although the next real news will be after the surgery to see if additional surgeries are required or if additional Chemo treatments are required.

I will probably be the last person to know since I will be under and out of it, but Cynthia will send an update. Thank you again for all the kind words, thoughts, prayers and help through all this. I am really starting to look forward to my 50th birthday next year when all this is just a bad dream.

June 21

Finally, I am starting to feel better. It was a very busy week with graduations and family visiting but I felt pretty good. My energy level is still not back and naps in the afternoon are still in order. I am starting to work out (no running) to put back on some of the weight I lost prior to the surgery.

We set a surgery date of July 29th. A little later than I had hoped but still with in the optimum date range for the surgeon. Unfortunately, until the look inside me, we will not know the extent of the surgery or treatment after. I am really hoping for a clean bill and not post surgery chemo.

I will have some follow up visits with the doctors over the next weeks and I will pass on any updates. I still have a lot of questions about recovery etc. but it looks like at least 5 days in the hospital. For now I am going to try to get back to work and enjoy the next 5 weeks of summer with my family.

June 12

I know I have little to complain about but most who know me would think some one else was writing if I did not whine.

I met with the surgeon yesterday he was very encouraging short of wanting me to do another round of chemo after surgery. He is the only one not concerned and actually happy with my weight loss, apparently it makes his job easier. We are waiting for some answers, but the surgery will either be on July 22 or July 29. He remains very positive (97%) that the surgery will be successful and this will all be a bad memory in 6 months. He won't give me a 100% guarantee because then if he is wrong it will effect his sleep.

Cynthia and I met with the oncologist after the surgeon. He too was very positive but also warned me that the radiation and chemo keep working in my body and not to expect too much. He does not want to deal with the chemo after the surgery until they get the pathology on the lymph nodes, which will happen during the surgery. I was very disappointed to hear that if I do the chemo after it will be more intense and for 4 months.

The oncologist also warned me about sun exposure for the next 4 weeks. We are trying to plan a family vacation for July before the surgery but I think my fishing trip with Aaron for his graduation will have to be postponed or modified.

Cynthia did ask if there were diminished cognitive abilities due to the chemo; unfortunately, the oncologist did say there was a term "chemo brain." I have a feeling that statement is going to fuel many more "discussions" in our family especially with the election coming up. Just remember, I was a republican before the chemo, if thing change one can only assume...

The pain and exhaustion this week has been more intense than ever and my sleep has not been good, but I really have little to complain about. The doctors are all still very positive about the long term results, the nausea is for the most part gone, I can start back on a mild exercise routine including the bow flex and I know I am going to feel better with in the next few weeks. Most importantly, I am very thankful for the the love and support of my friend and family.

I will update again as the surgery date is finalized.

June 10

I had my last radiation treatment today, that is the good news, the bad news is that apparently the radiation keeps working for another week and the symptoms won't go away for 2-4 weeks. I was hoping for a balloon, loli pop and a pat on the back, not being told to expect more of the same.

I had a rough day on Saturday. I started out thinking the chemo was out of my system so I went for a run. If there is anyone out there who still may harbor thoughts that my boys get their intelligence from my side, this decision will put that question to rest. I made it about a mile into the run. The radiologist today also scolded me and told me short walks for the next month should suffice.

Everyone is still very supportive and encouraging. I am meeting with my Surgeon and Oncologist tomorrow, hopefully I will have a better idea of the timing for surgery and the next course of action.

June 6

I finished Chemo this week on Wednesday. I thought magaically I would be feeling back to my old self. Either I forget what my old self really felt like or the doctors were correct in warning me about the cumulative effects and recovery time.

I really should not complain after hearing how others have endured the side effects of the radiation and chemo, but I still like to whine.

I have two more radiations and then, according to the doctors again, it continues working in my body for another week before the recovery and healing start. For my part I am still at 2 naps a day and starting to take baths.

I meet with all my doctors next Tuesday and Wednesday and will probably start another round of testing. Hopefully, I will get some direction on timing of surgery.

I continue to learn from this experience some life lessons and some more trivial. I know that all the support and encouragement from everyone has really helped me and all those years of exercising and eating well have really paid off.

May 31

I made it through my last (for now) chemo drip in the infusion room. This time around the effects are more intensive, but that is what they told me to expect.

The TV chair was already taken so there were no fights over the Fox news channel. I met the most amazing woman, one of the volunteers who keeps coming by and telling you to drink water. She over heard me talk about Aaron's pole vaulting. Turns out she was an Olympic pentathlete in the early 60's. I really enjoyed speaking with her about sportsmanship and the earlier Olympics. The bad part of the story is that I think she thought I was from that generation as well.

Cynthia came in for the last part of my treatment and took a picture of me in the barcalounger.

I have this last week of the regular Chemo and then radiation until next Tuesday. Most of my energy in gone but I am still eating and reasonably coherent (although my kids would disagree with the last statement)

The more I ponder this setback the more fortunate I feel about how early it was dectected. Unfortunately, I am like a broken record to anyone on my generation (not a 1960 olympic athlete) to get checked early. Every time I talk with someone new about it, I hear a story about someone in their 40's who found out about their colon Cancer and they were already at stage 3 or 4.

I am really looking forward to finishing up and feeling better. In the meantime every one's support, thoughts and prayers are helping me get through this last stretch.

May 28

Just a quick update before my last drip infusion tomorrow. I am ready to get on with it but the last session really hit me. I met with my radiologist Tuesday and found they are going to give me 3 additional boost sessions, so I will not be finished until June 10. Hopefully this will give me enough time to recover prior to Jason and Aaron's graduations.



I am well equiped with all kinds of reading material for tomorrow and headphones just in case. My energy level has really been off although I did manage to go into work for a couple of hours today and I walked the dogs this evening, small victories.



I will try to post later this weekend, hopefully my humor will return along with my appetite and taste.

May 23

Today was a 2 nap day and it's not over yet. Back on the chemo and yesterday took it out of me. One the plus side I was feeling a lot better earlier in the week.

I went to a different yoga class (restorative yoga), they don't laugh at you as much and when you look like you are in pain with a particular pose they come by with blankets to help. It did feel good to stretch out. I also went for a run on Wednesday realizing it was my last one for a while before starting up on the chemo again. I had to walk the last half mile so I think the radiation is taking its toll, at least that's the story I told the dogs when they looked at me in disbelief.

I met with my oncologist on Thursday after the drip and that was the best part of my day. My blood counts are great. He was very pleased that they have not dropped at all and my bone marrow looked good as well. Apparently all those years of healthy living (only eating hamburgers and chorizo burritos when Cynthia was not looking) have paid off.

They did start me on a couple of other medications the counter some of the radiation and chemo effects including Flow Max and Prilosec, I think I am one pill away from complete geriatrics.

I have about 2 more weeks to go, they are not sure if they are going to do a radiation boost of another 3-5 treatments. I will then get more invasive exams and they will set a tentative surgery schedule. They may do a round of chemo after surgery just so I have something to look forward to, but I should be completely wrapped up in 3-4 months.

The older English Lady in the chemo room (lung cancer patient fro smoking) actually gave me a Bill Bryson book because she said she enjoyed my laugh. She then proceeded to point out to me in the room who she thought was a "goner." I was a little shocked so she explained to me that is what they say in England "a goner." Obviously I am not in that category or she would not have invested in the book for me.

I do appreciate her support but even more so all the other support from friends and family. I know it has been hard on Cynthia and the boys, but they are all doing well. With all the good news about my condition I know the prayers and good thoughts are coming through. I have been warned by both doctors that the effects are cumulative and I will be more and more exhausted the next three weeks but I will continue to update as I go.

May 20

The weekend off of radiation and Chemo was a nice relief. Saturday I went to Aaron's track meet. CIF final might sound exciting, but in reality I sat in 100 degree heat for 2 hours after driving for 1 hour up there to watch probably a total of 20 seconds of his vaulting. I was pretty exhausted after. On Sunday I felt the best since starting treatment. I tried Yoga with Cynthia, they lost me when I was suppose to go from lizard to falling angel (at first I though she said fallen angel, and I thought "hey I got this one"). After class the instruction directed me to other more appropriate classes for someone with the flexibility of a kiln dried hickory stick.

I felt good enough Monday morning to go for a run with the dogs. It was not pretty but it felt good to get out. I started back with the radiation yesterday and today. The doctor has continued to encourage me to keep exercising saying the radiation will only continue to drain my energy. He also told me that the nurses were having a laugh at my expense when I told them in my check up that I get tired in the afternoon and need to take naps. ("what did he expect and why is he still running if he is so tired") I am very glad I could be the source of amusement for not only the other yoga participants who could contort their body and balance in completely unnatural positions, but also to the nursing staff at St. Joseph's radiology department.

I am dreading and looking forward to getting back on the Chemo on Thursday, although I have been warned that the next two weeks will be very draining. Iam meeting with my oncologist on Thursday and I am trying to get with the surgeon to get and update on my surgery schedule. I will try to post later this week.

Thanks again for all the support.

May 17

Today I started to feel a little better. On Thursday I started a week break from the Chemo. I magically thought I would immediately feel better; unfortunately, I think the radiation is having more of a cumulative effect.



I did manage to watch Aaron's last track meet this morning at Mt. Sac and I am hoping to go to Yoga tomorrow. Since I think I am the most unlimber person in the world I am thinking this is a good time to start, no one will dare make fun of the the bald guy who looks like he is going through Chemo. I have not felt like running lately at all, I have tried to do some crunches and push ups so my muscles, or lack there of, do not completely atrophy. I am still loosing weight but nothing to be alarmed about. I think my appetite will come back during this respit. My blood levels are also holding right where they want them.



I go back to the heavily democratic chemo room on Thursday for the 4 hour drip. It is amazing to me that inside this room the norm of not speaking about politics or religion do not apply. I am also surprised to find that most of them are democrats, I fact I found out when I changed the TV to Fox news and was assaulted with what a bias news source it was. I thought better of engaging on which TV news station was not biased and went back to my Dave Barry. All this time, I thought Cynthia was the only democrat in Orange County.



I think my mid point of treatment is mid next week which is good news. I have been warned that the last weeks are very draining. I will keep trying to post. I also tried to update my profile to include a reply section and my e mail if you have any questions.



Bruce

May 12

Back to radiation today. They were running late so I received all kinds of advice in the men's dressing room. According to one elderly (75) gentleman, I should be smoking weed. He proceed to tell me it helps with the appetite and it is just a great high. I asked if he had a prescription, wrong question. Apparently his doctors do not agree with his views on medicine. He has also been smoking 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day for 60 years., and go figure,the doctors do not agree with that. I did not ask if he had a prescription for the cigarettes.

I was pretty exhausted this weekend and continuing into today. I am looking forward to my week off of chemo starting this Thursday. I did not run on Sunday, I did go for a walk with Cynthia for Mother's Day.

As the Oxilplatin wears off I hope to be feeling better and perhaps another run. thanks again for all the support, good wishes and positive thoughts.

May 9

I managed through yesterday. I have a hard time sitting down for an hour let alone 4 hours with an iv hooked up. Fortunately I was able to finish my first Dave Barry book. I started to feel a little guilty laughing in the Chemo room, but I got over it quickly. I was quizzed by a few other patients on what I was reading. I really wanted to say Jame Joyce or "War and Piece" rather than the equivalent of Garfield books for adults.

The good news is that is my second Oxilplatin drip with to more to go after a week off. I had a long radiation session today since they wanted to take pictures. I really hope these do not show up sometime later when I am running for public office.

The dogs did get to me on Wednesday and I went for a run, well at least for now we will call it a run. I did not do the hills, it was probably only 2.5 miles and the pace was at 10 minute miles. I of course can blame this on the dogs needing to stop to remark eveytree they have missed for the last week. Today and tomorrow I will be pretty wiped out, but I may try a jog on Sunday again, if the dogs are up to it.

Once again I would like to thank everyone for their support through this. Cynthia says I can not milk this so let's just try to do it with out her finding out.

May 7

Back to radiation this morning. I was actually hoping to try to do a short run this morning but it really did not work out. I am feeling like I really need to exercise; more importantly the dogs are really missing their runs through the wilderness park. They give such judgemental looks when I bring out the walking leashes.

Cynthia says my conditions of feeling nauseated and tired sounds like pregnancy. If that is the case, I really do not understand large families.

To answer a few questions, yes I am loosing weight but I am trying to monitor it. The funny thing is that the dietitian and the doctors do not want me eating a lot of fruits and vegetables. I had no idea how much I would miss all the healthy stuff, especially when they give me a green light on fattening stuff. 2nd question, I have not lost my remaining hair yet but it does seem to be turning grey. I have not read anywhere that grey hair is a side effect, but I am lost for another explanation.

Tomorrow I go in for my second Oxaliplatin drip and start my second week of 5 fu and radiation.
I will try to post Friday between naps.

Finally, I am sure a lot you are wanting to edit and return this, but please resist the temptation as I am constantly reminded by my loving family members of my lack of writing talent.

Bruce

May 5, update

First, thank you to Billy for setting this up. Hopefully I can keep it updated so if anyone wants to know where I am they can just log on to this page.

I have never really been sick so this is a new experience for me. I can not express how much the support of my wife, family and friends has helped me with the process. I have a great team of doctors but an even better support team.

This morning I received my 3rd of 25 radiation treatments. I am radiated 5 days a week with weekends and holidays off. Apparently Radiology does not view cinco de mayo as a holiday.

I am also taking 2000 mg of Xeloda orally every day. Xeloda is an oral dosage of 5-fu which has been a Chemo treatment forever. I will have 2 weeks of this treatment then 1 week off and then 2 more weeks. I am also receiving 4 doses of Oxaliplatin over 5 weeks. Oxaiplatin in a Chemo drug that is very effective against colorectol cancer. Unfortunately, the way it is administered is through a 3 hour inter venous drip session. (I do not like needles) I had my first session May 1.

From what I understand this is a very aggressive treatment course. We have selected this course to give me the best probability of survival and after going through the course the best quality of life. Right now I feel pretty overwhelmed, tired and on the edge of nausea.

Below is a brief history of how we got to where we are now:

I started having some bleeding and called my general doctor in February.

I was referred to a gastro intestinal specialist and he scheduled my colonoscopy.

I had the scope on April 10th and he found two polyps.

On April 11th one of the biopsies came back positive for cancer.

I met with a surgeon on April 14th and started all the testing. As it turned out both polyps were cancerous. The first one detected was poorly differentiated.

I have had an ultra sound, a CT-PET scan, and the slides have been reviewed by the surgeon, 2 pathologists. I was presented to the tumor board at St. Josephs Hospital in Orange. St. Josephs is a National Cancer Center.

The positive news is that the CT PET scan came back clear and only two lymph nodes were detected on the ultra sound and they are very small. This is all very good news. It is being classified as stage 1 cancer.

We have selected a very aggressive treatment because of the type of cancer and because of my age. If all goes well I will have 6 weeks of radiation and Chemo, then I will have 6 weeks off and then surgery. The surgery currently suggested is major, I will be in the hospital for 5-7 days and then 2-3 weeks of recovery.

Bruce Haas

Bruce. This is your blog.