Wednesday, August 27

Well it hit me today. I met with the surgeon who was very pleased with my healing and encouraging to me. I also was scheduled for my port on Friday with the idea of starting back on the chemo next week. It is happening and I am moving forward.

Just when I start feeling better. The truth is that I am pushing the start. If I can start next week I should be finished by early December. The surgeon said we may be able to do the second surgery also before Christmas. It is hard to start a regimen that I know is going to make me feel terrible, but I know it is necessary.

I am trying to still enjoy each day and not focus too much on the future. Tomorrow we officially drop Aaron off at college and go to orientation. I already know it is going to be very emotional and exhausting for me. I think it will get my mind off of the coming procedures.

Right now the chemo is 8 sessions every other week. I will have an infusion for 5-6 hours of the oxylplatium and then take home a portable pump which will inject the other chemo for the following 48 hours. Sounds like a long road, but one step at a time.

As I know the exact schedule I will update the blog. There will be good days/weeks and bad ones I am sure. I will try to write on the good ones and try to get my sense of humor back.

Cynthia wanted me to rest another week or two before starting back in, but the thought of waiting was worse for me. I have been a little selfish in that regard because I know it has been a real strain on her, and the truth is she probably needs a break. She never complains and continues to be incredible supportive. Right now she and Jason are baking cookies still trying to get as much weight back on me before the next round. I probably do not say thank you enough, but that is probably to everyone who has been so supportive.

I know your prayers, thoughts and wishes are paying off.

Thank you,

Bruce

August 20th, a long road ahead

Sorry to have not posted but actually I have been tired; hard to believe I know. I tried my first strategy for being tired, do more and exercise some. I actually went to a cancer survivor's yoga class on Monday and I went to all of Jason's soccer games over the weekend. The games were more exhausting than the yoga class, which might have to do with the average age in the yoga class which I skewed significantly. I did not stick around to find out if they were democrats, but the instructor did suggest I try the regular beginning yoga class. Anyway, I am back to waling and naps.

Yesterday I went to my oncologist to see if my ostrich strategy worked. Unfortunately it did not and yes I have another 4 months of pretty serious chemo ahead. I will have a port, so the plan is for a 6 hour infusion with a pump attached for 48 hours. I will have 4 months then recovery and the second surgery. It was a little disheartening to realize that I am not quite half way through.

The oncologist was also very please with the results. The chemo was very effective, hence to great results from the surgery. The oncologist did suggest that I put back on about 8 pounds. I started to respond with "what a great idea!" and then realized that my sarcasm has never really got me anywhere in life and I was going to be seeing this doctor for quite a while.

So the plan is to meet with my surgeon for a follow up next week, try to schedule the port surgery for next week and start the chemo on Sept. 3 if possible. If I am going through this, I want to get started and get on with it.

Cynthia is exhausted but still trying to take care of me and fatten me up. She is constantly putting brownies and cookies and ice cream in front of me. I have also received numerous suggestions on ways to gain weight, it seems everyone has their little secrets they are willing to share with me, just one more example of the support that keeps pouring in.

I will try to update the blog when I find out the schedule thanks again for all the support, prayers and good wishes.

Bruce

August 12, feeling better

Just a quick update, I am feeling better, walking more and managing the pain with just one Tylenol every 5-6 hours. I actually started to work a little reading a couple of documents. It was good to get my mind on to other matters and feel productive again.

I realize what a fog I had been in from the surgery when I looked at the appointment card for the oncologist and realized it is a week away. Obviously I am anxious to know what the next steps are and start mentally getting geared up.

Other positive news is that I have started gaining weight back, half a pound, but still better than loosing. I have had visitors and most importantly, Cynthia is going back to work, so our marriage will probably survive. I think me being house bound during my treatments has given her real pause to having either one of us ever retire fully.

Thanks again for all the support and I will post after my oncologist appointment and I know a general plan going forward,

Bruce

August 9, A long road

My recovery continues slowly but the surgeon is pleased. He told me I should be feeling a lot better in about 3 weeks. That works out pretty well for taking Aaron to college and going to parent orientation.

The disappointing but expected news was that the surgeon and the tumor board both feel I should go through another round of chemo. I will meet with the oncologist on Tuesday and get more information, but it looks like another 4-6 months with a break in the middle for the second surgery.

When the surgeon told me I asked him if he ever remodeled a house. He said yes, why? I told him that is what I feel like, every time I think I am closing in on finishing up I realize I am not half way yet.

For now I am just working on recovering and trying to put back on weight, I have dropped down to 147 lbs, about 10 lbs from the start of surgery, and trying to figure out the new diet. And, thank you, I have received a lot of advice on gaining weight and absolutely no sympathy on that issue.

I will update again after the oncologist. My mind is still a little foggy and I am keeping the Tylenol pumping, hopefully I will be a little clearer.

Thanks again for all the prayers and support.

Bruce

Home, August 5th

Actually I made it home last night, August 4th but it was a pretty exhausting day. Additionally the norco pain medicine really clouds my mind, and, yes I can tell a difference.


It is nice to be home but I am pretty wiped out. I did not sleep as well last night but that may have been from a lot of different factors. I have decided not to take the vicodin during the day and stick with Tylenol. I did walk down to the end of the cul de sac and back this morning. Overall I am pretty wiped out.

I have now caught up on Cynthia's updates and I learned a few things I did not know, but that is the beauty of the morphine pump.

Just as an update, I am down to 152 lbs., my appetite is returning but I can not eat large quantities, I am awake for about 4 hours at a time, alert is a matter of interpretation.

This week I go back into see my Surgeon on Thursday. He is going to take out the rest of my staples and get an adjustment to my ileostomy. I meet with my oncologist next Tuesday, until then I will not know if I have to do another round of chemo or not. I am not sure how that will work with the second surgery in 3 months. The great news is that at some point it should all be over and I can recover and get my strength back.

I want to thank everyone again for their prayers, thoughts, good wishes and general support. I am sure all the positive thoughts helped with the exceptionally positive results from the surgery. Assuming clarity returns, I will try to update more.

Bruce

Sunday, a step back

Today was a rough day. I started out thinking I might even get home today. I ordered eggs and pancakes for breakfast but I got very nauseated before I cold take a bite. The rest of the day until around 5 I was battling with nausea and pain while still trying to still be mobile.

My fever stayed down and I think it was just one of those two step forward one step back things, or my body adjusting to the new medications.

I am hoping for a better day tomorrow and sleeping in my own bed tomorrow night.

Saturday Aug 2, I am back - sort of

8:45 pm and my pain medicine is kicking in so I am not sure how coherent this will be.

In my other moments of clarity Cynthia has forwarded your comments. Thank you again for all the prayers and good thoughts and wishes.

This has been a truly new experience for me and definitely one I do not want to repeat. I have had tubes connecting all parts of me to all different contraptions. Fortunately the pca pump with the morphine was left in through most of the removal of the various other tubes. The removal of the catheter was especially anxiety producing. Then they told me I had to pass 300 cc in 6 hours or they were going to put it back in, talk about performance anxiety, but there was really no option but to pass. I would have made some one else pee in the jar if necessary. (so for all you offering to help in any way...)

I could continue to go through all the other various difficulties but at this point with the codeine kicking in, they see relatively distant.

I do know that the only thing I remember from the post op was the excellent results and that I have the temporary ileostomy. It will mean another surgery in 3 months but thanks to a great team of doctors, great medicine, a great support staff for me and all the prayers and thoughts we got the best results possible which were confirmed on Thursday.

I am feeling better day by day. I appreciate the offers for visitors but as Cynthia will attest to, I was pretty out of it for most of the time. I am hoping to go home later tomorrow but it is looking more like Monday. I am walking about 5 times around the floor a day and tonight I have my first non clear liquid (pureed soup whoo hoo). It feels like I take 3 or 4 steps forward and then a slight step back. I am going to sign off for now. Hopefully I will eat some solid food tomorrow and try to get home to my own bed shortly there after. I will try to post when I get home.

Thank you again for all your support of me and also for all the support everyone has given Cynthia and the boys, I know it has been a strain on her as well.

Good night,

Bruce

Getting over the Hump

It was another eventful day for Bruce starting with the removal of his catheter, walks with just the pole, removal of 11 staples from his incision, disconnecting the morphine PCA pump, a wave of nausea, some surprises delivered by candy stripers, and a slideshow of our Puerto Vallarta vacation presented by Jason.  I am printing your emails to me and bringing them in for him to read.  Tomorrow he will read the emails sent to haashome@cox.net.  Bruce was awake for several hours today although he was thoroughly exhausted by 7:30PM when we said goodnight.  He is beginning to take in clear liquids with tonight's menu of water and Italian ice.  Depending on how his diet advances, he will probably come home Sunday or Monday.  Dr. "Teddy" says he will know Bruce is ready to go home when he expends his energy to shave!  The pain and recovery has been far greater than he anticipated but knowing that so many care about him continues to give him the strength to move forward.  Hopefully, he will be blogging again soon with his positive and humorous outlook which have taken a hiatus since the anesthesia wore off.  A little more sleep will improve my strength.  Sweet Dreams!  Cynthia