I never though feeling so bad would feel good. I made it through my 7th session and it has really taken it out of me. The encouragement is that I have only one left.
I met with my oncologist on Wednesday as I was finishing up the infusion. I tried to talk my way out of part of the final treatment, but he feels I am doing very well and wants to finish the full course. I guess I have come this far...
The other good news is so far my blood counts have remained up and they see no reason to delay the final treatment. The medicines are doing a great job of countering most of the side effects but the exhaustion continues to increase. Lost of naps and rest periods.
We had a very enjoyable Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors although I was only able to last for a few hours.
In spite of how I feel currently, I am really looking forward to my final chemo session and finally giving my body a chance to get rid of all this poisen and start the road to recovery.
I was going to post yesterday to thank everyone again and wish everyone a happy thanksgiving, but atlast, I just ran out of energy, so Happy Thanksgiving and thank you again for all the love, support, prayers and good wishes.
Bruce
Friday, November 28, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
November 18, running on empty
I am sorry for not updating so long. When I started receiving calls to see if I was still alive, I knew it was time to update.
I finished my 6th treatment last Wednesday and it really took it out of me. For 4 days following removing the pump I was pretty out of it. In addition (piling on use to be a penalty) I met with my surgeon last week who told me that everything had not healed according to plan. He feels confident that the final results will be the same in the end, I just have to have another repair surgery (Scheduled for December 17) prior to the final surgery (probably end of January). It is a long road but hopefully there is a happy ending.
The good news is that my blood counts remain high enough that I do not need shots or transfusions and I can keep on the Chemo schedule. The sooner I get done with Chemo the better. I am on a myriad of drugs to manage most of the side effects. The biggest problem continues to be exhaustion. It is hard to go for more that 4-5 hours with out needing a nap and my mind is definitely more clear in the mornings which when I have been working. I do feel good about being able to continue to work through this although my coworkers might not feel the same given my mood on some days.
All in all, I still feel incredibly fortunate for the medicine, the team of doctors, and all the support from friends and family. I am convinced this will all be a bad dream by the time my 50th birthday rolls around in April.
Thanks again for all the love, prayers and good wishes.
Bruce
I finished my 6th treatment last Wednesday and it really took it out of me. For 4 days following removing the pump I was pretty out of it. In addition (piling on use to be a penalty) I met with my surgeon last week who told me that everything had not healed according to plan. He feels confident that the final results will be the same in the end, I just have to have another repair surgery (Scheduled for December 17) prior to the final surgery (probably end of January). It is a long road but hopefully there is a happy ending.
The good news is that my blood counts remain high enough that I do not need shots or transfusions and I can keep on the Chemo schedule. The sooner I get done with Chemo the better. I am on a myriad of drugs to manage most of the side effects. The biggest problem continues to be exhaustion. It is hard to go for more that 4-5 hours with out needing a nap and my mind is definitely more clear in the mornings which when I have been working. I do feel good about being able to continue to work through this although my coworkers might not feel the same given my mood on some days.
All in all, I still feel incredibly fortunate for the medicine, the team of doctors, and all the support from friends and family. I am convinced this will all be a bad dream by the time my 50th birthday rolls around in April.
Thanks again for all the love, prayers and good wishes.
Bruce
Sunday, October 26, 2008
October 26 Back into it
Tomorrows I go in for my 5th of 8 treatments. I think when I finish on Wednesday with the infusion it will be a real boost. I was much more tired this round, apparently due to my hemoglobin dropping significantly. If it continues to drop they can give me a shot and blood transfusion if necessary.
My weight still bothers me. I dropped as low as 141 but I have been maintaining 142-143. It is a little frustrating because I am not hungry, I force myself to eat and I can not gain weight. The good news is that most of you forgot how I use to look and tell me how good I look. My wife seems to be a little more honest. She actually went out and bought me some new blue jeans, my old ones were looking more like a pajama fit. I think she may have been in the boys department for a 31 slim fit jean, but they do look and feel better.
I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I see the oncologist this week and the surgeon next week. I read a wonderful book "the Anatomy of Hope" which inspired me as well and I know having the positive attitude and knowing about the prayers and people thinking about me has really helped carry me through this so far.
I will post with the happy news when I finish this next round.
Bruce
My weight still bothers me. I dropped as low as 141 but I have been maintaining 142-143. It is a little frustrating because I am not hungry, I force myself to eat and I can not gain weight. The good news is that most of you forgot how I use to look and tell me how good I look. My wife seems to be a little more honest. She actually went out and bought me some new blue jeans, my old ones were looking more like a pajama fit. I think she may have been in the boys department for a 31 slim fit jean, but they do look and feel better.
I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I see the oncologist this week and the surgeon next week. I read a wonderful book "the Anatomy of Hope" which inspired me as well and I know having the positive attitude and knowing about the prayers and people thinking about me has really helped carry me through this so far.
I will post with the happy news when I finish this next round.
Bruce
Thursday, October 16, 2008
October 16 half way down
I finished my fourth infusion of 8 total yesterday.
So far so good. My blood counts are dropping but not enough to worry about, so hopefully I will stay on schedule and finish before Christmas.
The infusions are mostly taking a toll on my energy level. I still walk the dogs daily and I have been working, mostly from home but making it into the office once or twice a week on my off week. The other issue is the weight loss, but there is little I can do about that.
Aaron comes home for fall break this weekend so it will be a welcome distraction for the whole family. Jason also has a soccer tournament in San Bernadino. Hopefully I will recover quicker this time and enjoy the weekend. I just have to keep up with my naps.
There is really not much more to report. According to the nurses the exhaustion will only get worse over the next sessions but I do feel better getting past the half way mark. I seem to be managing all the other side effects with a lot of different medications.
Thank you again for all the support, I will try to update when I have a little more energy and feeling better.
Bruce
So far so good. My blood counts are dropping but not enough to worry about, so hopefully I will stay on schedule and finish before Christmas.
The infusions are mostly taking a toll on my energy level. I still walk the dogs daily and I have been working, mostly from home but making it into the office once or twice a week on my off week. The other issue is the weight loss, but there is little I can do about that.
Aaron comes home for fall break this weekend so it will be a welcome distraction for the whole family. Jason also has a soccer tournament in San Bernadino. Hopefully I will recover quicker this time and enjoy the weekend. I just have to keep up with my naps.
There is really not much more to report. According to the nurses the exhaustion will only get worse over the next sessions but I do feel better getting past the half way mark. I seem to be managing all the other side effects with a lot of different medications.
Thank you again for all the support, I will try to update when I have a little more energy and feeling better.
Bruce
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
September 30, round 3
Round 2 actually went better for me than the first round with the exception of energy level. Right before the start of round 2 I felt much better. I really experienced much more exhaustion this last round and when I did push myself a bit harder I paid for it the following days. There you have it, my excuse for not updating my blog for so long. I kept waiting to feel better.
Today I went in to the infusion room and also had a visit with the oncologist. I now have the pump attached for the next 48 hours delivering the second chemo. This, I think, is the hardest part. I did learn in round 2 how to better deal with the nausea and sleeplessness so maybe round 3 will go smoothly with just a few more naps.
Overall the good news is that my blood counts have not dipped to worrisome levels, although they are watching the hemoglobin and white blood cell counts very careful. I met with the oncologist today; his biggest concern is the neuropathy. I learned that I am on a very high dose of the oxcilplatium and if the nueropathy continues to get worse he will cut back the dosage to prevent long term damage, which was one of the concerns of the tumor board.
Outside my medical issues, we had a successful birthday weekend for Cynthia. My strategy was to do as little as possible, and for those of you who know me... Anyway, it started with inviting her Aunt Lynn from Indianapolis to join us for the week. She has been great, like that older sister Cynthia never had. On Saturday night we rented an electric boat and 3 other couples joined us who provided the food and drinks, again "as little as possible." On Sunday we drove up to see Aaron and had a great visit. Cynthia has really missed him and they connected as he told her about college life and he really wanted to share with her, it was a precious life moment. It was very tiring for me, but well worth the effort and a great birthday present.
The next 3-4 days are really the roughest on me and I do not like to write when I feel bad, so I will try to update the blog later in the weekend.
I generally go to bed at 9:30 and sleep until 12:30 and wake for some reason. I get up and take a sleeping pill which takes 30 minutes to kick in. In that 30 minutes my thoughts run wild. Although I always thought I will beat this cancer, I still always question the treatment course I selected, the doctors etc. What I always try to come back to is how fortunate I have been. I feel the doctors I have treated me more like their little brother who they would do anything to save rather than just another patient. The continuous support, encouragement and prayers I receive from everyone again make me realize how blessed I am. And of course the care giving from Cynthia and the appreciation I have for my boys have helped my focus on what really matters in life. I do not agree with Lance Armstrong where he says we are "the lucky ones" because I would not wish this on anyone but there is a certain focus and realization that has come to me from this experience.
It has been suggested to me and I have thought about writing a book, but I am afraid I would have to dedicate half of the book just to thanking everyone and pointing out how what I took for granted turned out to be so important. The other problem of me writing a book would be to find a great editor to correct my grammar and writing style.
Bruce
Today I went in to the infusion room and also had a visit with the oncologist. I now have the pump attached for the next 48 hours delivering the second chemo. This, I think, is the hardest part. I did learn in round 2 how to better deal with the nausea and sleeplessness so maybe round 3 will go smoothly with just a few more naps.
Overall the good news is that my blood counts have not dipped to worrisome levels, although they are watching the hemoglobin and white blood cell counts very careful. I met with the oncologist today; his biggest concern is the neuropathy. I learned that I am on a very high dose of the oxcilplatium and if the nueropathy continues to get worse he will cut back the dosage to prevent long term damage, which was one of the concerns of the tumor board.
Outside my medical issues, we had a successful birthday weekend for Cynthia. My strategy was to do as little as possible, and for those of you who know me... Anyway, it started with inviting her Aunt Lynn from Indianapolis to join us for the week. She has been great, like that older sister Cynthia never had. On Saturday night we rented an electric boat and 3 other couples joined us who provided the food and drinks, again "as little as possible." On Sunday we drove up to see Aaron and had a great visit. Cynthia has really missed him and they connected as he told her about college life and he really wanted to share with her, it was a precious life moment. It was very tiring for me, but well worth the effort and a great birthday present.
The next 3-4 days are really the roughest on me and I do not like to write when I feel bad, so I will try to update the blog later in the weekend.
I generally go to bed at 9:30 and sleep until 12:30 and wake for some reason. I get up and take a sleeping pill which takes 30 minutes to kick in. In that 30 minutes my thoughts run wild. Although I always thought I will beat this cancer, I still always question the treatment course I selected, the doctors etc. What I always try to come back to is how fortunate I have been. I feel the doctors I have treated me more like their little brother who they would do anything to save rather than just another patient. The continuous support, encouragement and prayers I receive from everyone again make me realize how blessed I am. And of course the care giving from Cynthia and the appreciation I have for my boys have helped my focus on what really matters in life. I do not agree with Lance Armstrong where he says we are "the lucky ones" because I would not wish this on anyone but there is a certain focus and realization that has come to me from this experience.
It has been suggested to me and I have thought about writing a book, but I am afraid I would have to dedicate half of the book just to thanking everyone and pointing out how what I took for granted turned out to be so important. The other problem of me writing a book would be to find a great editor to correct my grammar and writing style.
Bruce
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
September 16, another round
It is funny how that expression "another round" currently has a totally different meaning in my life .
I walked into the chemo room to find the coveted TV control chair open. I expressed my reluctance to sit there since I was scolded last time for watching Fox News. One woman said she could not understand that, which was immediately followed by another gentleman's agreement with the original scolding. I took another chair.
I had a great weekend. Cynthia and I actually went out on a date for dinner on Saturday night and we had our family dinner Sunday evening. I started feeling better about mid week and I was able to go into the office a couple of days, wash the dogs, and even start working out (very lightly) again.
If this is how it is going to go with the weeks on/off I think it will be manageable. Unfortunately, today I am back to the infusion and pump, also my white blood cell count dropped below normal. Nothing to panic yet, but still something to watch.
I was able to read all my work e mails during the chemo session today even though I could not sent. I was thinking it was like a 5 hour Southwest Airline flight. Not really comfortable, just able to read, and you know you are going to feel bad after the flight, so really it was like being back to my old travel schedule, except the restrooms are bigger and no free peanuts.
I don't know what is so tiring about sitting in a chair for 5 hours but I am a little worn out, so I will sing off and write again when on my off week when I am feeling better.
Again, I want to thank everyone for their prayers, thoughts, good wishes and help. I now get my chairs carried for the soccer games. However, I currently have more than enough offers for taking weight from someone else. Science just has not caught up with those wanting to help in that way.
Bruce
I walked into the chemo room to find the coveted TV control chair open. I expressed my reluctance to sit there since I was scolded last time for watching Fox News. One woman said she could not understand that, which was immediately followed by another gentleman's agreement with the original scolding. I took another chair.
I had a great weekend. Cynthia and I actually went out on a date for dinner on Saturday night and we had our family dinner Sunday evening. I started feeling better about mid week and I was able to go into the office a couple of days, wash the dogs, and even start working out (very lightly) again.
If this is how it is going to go with the weeks on/off I think it will be manageable. Unfortunately, today I am back to the infusion and pump, also my white blood cell count dropped below normal. Nothing to panic yet, but still something to watch.
I was able to read all my work e mails during the chemo session today even though I could not sent. I was thinking it was like a 5 hour Southwest Airline flight. Not really comfortable, just able to read, and you know you are going to feel bad after the flight, so really it was like being back to my old travel schedule, except the restrooms are bigger and no free peanuts.
I don't know what is so tiring about sitting in a chair for 5 hours but I am a little worn out, so I will sing off and write again when on my off week when I am feeling better.
Again, I want to thank everyone for their prayers, thoughts, good wishes and help. I now get my chairs carried for the soccer games. However, I currently have more than enough offers for taking weight from someone else. Science just has not caught up with those wanting to help in that way.
Bruce
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
September 10
I finally started feeling better. It took the better part of the week but today I actually felt better. I go to get my blood work done tomorrow and I am really looking forward to those results to see if there is any other reason for my exhaustion besides the obvious.
I am hoping it is a combination of still recovering from the surgery, port and the first round of chemo. I lost a few more pounds this week but I think I have stabilized. I also know that is probably contributing to the fatigue but I am eating well.
I am hoping for a good weekend of recovery and then tackling the next round. I have a feeling next week will be a tough one again. I will try to update the blog a little quicker.
Bruce
I am hoping it is a combination of still recovering from the surgery, port and the first round of chemo. I lost a few more pounds this week but I think I have stabilized. I also know that is probably contributing to the fatigue but I am eating well.
I am hoping for a good weekend of recovery and then tackling the next round. I have a feeling next week will be a tough one again. I will try to update the blog a little quicker.
Bruce
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