September 30, round 3

Round 2 actually went better for me than the first round with the exception of energy level. Right before the start of round 2 I felt much better. I really experienced much more exhaustion this last round and when I did push myself a bit harder I paid for it the following days. There you have it, my excuse for not updating my blog for so long. I kept waiting to feel better.

Today I went in to the infusion room and also had a visit with the oncologist. I now have the pump attached for the next 48 hours delivering the second chemo. This, I think, is the hardest part. I did learn in round 2 how to better deal with the nausea and sleeplessness so maybe round 3 will go smoothly with just a few more naps.

Overall the good news is that my blood counts have not dipped to worrisome levels, although they are watching the hemoglobin and white blood cell counts very careful. I met with the oncologist today; his biggest concern is the neuropathy. I learned that I am on a very high dose of the oxcilplatium and if the nueropathy continues to get worse he will cut back the dosage to prevent long term damage, which was one of the concerns of the tumor board.

Outside my medical issues, we had a successful birthday weekend for Cynthia. My strategy was to do as little as possible, and for those of you who know me... Anyway, it started with inviting her Aunt Lynn from Indianapolis to join us for the week. She has been great, like that older sister Cynthia never had. On Saturday night we rented an electric boat and 3 other couples joined us who provided the food and drinks, again "as little as possible." On Sunday we drove up to see Aaron and had a great visit. Cynthia has really missed him and they connected as he told her about college life and he really wanted to share with her, it was a precious life moment. It was very tiring for me, but well worth the effort and a great birthday present.

The next 3-4 days are really the roughest on me and I do not like to write when I feel bad, so I will try to update the blog later in the weekend.

I generally go to bed at 9:30 and sleep until 12:30 and wake for some reason. I get up and take a sleeping pill which takes 30 minutes to kick in. In that 30 minutes my thoughts run wild. Although I always thought I will beat this cancer, I still always question the treatment course I selected, the doctors etc. What I always try to come back to is how fortunate I have been. I feel the doctors I have treated me more like their little brother who they would do anything to save rather than just another patient. The continuous support, encouragement and prayers I receive from everyone again make me realize how blessed I am. And of course the care giving from Cynthia and the appreciation I have for my boys have helped my focus on what really matters in life. I do not agree with Lance Armstrong where he says we are "the lucky ones" because I would not wish this on anyone but there is a certain focus and realization that has come to me from this experience.

It has been suggested to me and I have thought about writing a book, but I am afraid I would have to dedicate half of the book just to thanking everyone and pointing out how what I took for granted turned out to be so important. The other problem of me writing a book would be to find a great editor to correct my grammar and writing style.

Bruce