July 24 Back to reality

Nothing like a visit with your surgeon to bring one back to reality.

Although the surgeon is still very positive about my ultimate survival rate, yesterday was not an encouraging day.

The surgeon is pretty assured he will want to do an ilcoscomy, hopefully, temporary that will be removed in 3 months with another surgery. He is also very sure he wants me to do another 4-6 months of more a intense Chemo treatment. The last thing he wants is any chance of reoccurring.

According to Cynthia, this has pretty much been the treatment plan all along and I have been deluding myself into the best case scenarios. According to me, this is just another conspiracy. The good part of my delusion is that I have really enjoyed feeling better lately and have not been worried about the surgery and pending chemo treatments. And since all we have are moments, I would not have changed anything.

I am very pleased with the treatment course we have chosen, I am still counting on positive outcomes that this just becomes a bad dream and my life will return to normal again, it is just going to take longer than I believed or hoped.

Again I appreciate all the prayers, good wished and thoughts. It has always been very reassuring to know that I am not going through this alone.

The next time I post I will probably be in morphine. According to some family members I will probably have more clarity in my writing, or as they say, "it can't get much worse,," although if it does I have my built in excuse.